Traveling for work continues to be a challenge for many dads in today’s world, and it probably will be indefinitely. Many of our work routines changed drastically during the pandemic, and we learned that working remotely and meeting by video are actually viable options. But now that we’re back to “normal,” many jobs require us to be somewhere else in person to meet customers, check on projects, network with peers, and many other things that make businesses go.
If you do have a job that includes some travel, chances are you’ve worked through a lot of these issues, so these ideas might be reminders more than new insights. Still, you might need to hear them again and maybe re-evaluate how your schedule is affecting your family and discern whether some adjustments are needed. It’s worth your ongoing consideration to make sure your absence isn’t a big deterrent to the strength of your family and the well-being of your kids.
And for those whose “work travel” only involves a daily commute, that daily routine can be challenging as well. Maybe you don’t always handle it well when you’re gone for the day and then re-acclimate back at home each evening.
It can be a tremendous help if everyone knows the purpose behind your travel, so share some details about what you do on trips and why it’s necessary. Get as specific as you can if your kids are interested.
It’s also a good time to reinforce your family’s priorities and make sure you’re all on the same page—for them and for you. Your job is important, but where does it stand in comparison to how much you value your marriage, if you’re married, and your relationship with each of your kids? If you’re involved in work that’s especially meaningful for you, where you feel passionate about it and you know you’re making a difference, sometimes that can seem like a higher calling than your family … but is it really? Have those discussions.
Quite often work, with its clearer objectives and tangible rewards, can easily pull us away and get us off track—especially if there are difficulties at home. The difficulties might be a sign that it’s time to be more intentional about doing our best with family members.
This takes the last suggestion a step further. Your first thought might be, We’re all doing OK or, This is just what normal families go through. And those might be true … or you might be ignoring some warning signs or losing touch with your wife and children more than you realize.
Once again, your job is an important part of your life. In some ways, it’s how you define yourself in the world. But if it’s hampering your ability to be an engaged, aware, consistent and affirming part of your family, then maybe it’s time to start considering a difficult decision so you can protect what is a higher priority.
You and your kids are likely tech-savvy—you know most the latest tricks and apps that help you maintain that connection with each other. Keep being creative and take measures so you can check in from the road and stay current with everyone.
(This may be the most important part.) You know how stressful it can be before and especially after traveling. You’re tired and probably still thinking about what happened on the trip, or the meeting that didn’t go the way you wanted it to. It’s hard to shift back into “daddy” mode right away after you return; it will take real effort to focus on your children, but that’s exactly what you need to do. Your kids deserve your very best.
Think about that word: “focus.” When you meet new people or see old friends in everyday life, you’re likely very conscientious about how you act and what you say. You look people in the eyes, give them your full attention, and try to ask thoughtful questions. You definitely aren’t sitting back, folding your arms, acting like you want to be left alone. And for sure you aren’t evaluating their behavior or pointing out things that need to be changed. No, in those situations aren’t you on your best behavior, trying to engage and connect?
If you can put that kind of focus and energy into those interactions out in public and at work, don’t your children deserve at least that much effort? If you can take that approach at home, it will go far.
And it applies to much more than those first hours after a trip. This should be our approach every time we’re able to see our kids. When we’re with them, let’s really be with them.
What works for you as a working and/or traveling dad? Share a tip on our Facebook page here.