Frequently, parents reach out to me because they feel they and their children are being manipulated by their co-parent. Such behavior can leave you feeling vulnerable, exhausted, and defeated.
If your co-parent is hellbent on derailing your well-intended co-parenting efforts, what do you do? Is there anything you can do?
As a parent, you have rights. If you long to reclaim your parental rights and put an end to co-parenting manipulation, read on. You can redirect this damaging behavior back to a place of respect and protect your rights and the rights of your child.
Before we get into dealing with your co-parent though, let’s first deal with you.
First: You are Here and You Don’t Love it!
At this point, you’ve banked a mountain of negativity. Negativity fueled not by you, but by your co-parent. This isn’t your fault. But that doesn’t mean you have to accept it. I’m going to help you with that.
The first step is to release the emotions blocking rational thinking, firm communication, and good decision making.
Depending on the manipulation you’ve been subjected to, you may feel:
Angry that your co-parent is doing this to you and your child
Sad that your child is being misled to think less of you
Concerned that your child may turn against you
Afraid others will believe claims made against you
Exhausted by trying to get your co-parent to stop
Lost as to what to do about it
All of these feelings are valid. But they won’t help you productively address manipulative behavior with your co-parent. So before you have your next encounter with them, in person or virtually, let’s reboot your mindset.
Right now, it’s like you’re a computer program that’s stuck in a loop or has stopped responding altogether. You can’t move forward. Time to reboot!
The Co-parenting Mindset Reboot
These steps may sound idealistic or like a waste of time. Suspend judgment for a moment and come along with me.
To bring this exercise to life, grab a Post-it® pad or note pad. Make sure your notes are physical rather than virtual so you can place them somewhere easy to reference when communicating with your co-parent.
Step 1: Pinpoint a Positive Moment
Think back to a moment when you liked your co-parent. Maybe it was when you first met. Maybe it was brief. Or maybe you were deeply in love for years. It doesn’t matter. Identify one positive moment you shared with your co-parent.
Now, take your first Post-it® and draw an anchor on it.
Below the anchor, write the positive emotion or draw the emoji that represents how you felt in that moment (not how you feel now). This anchor helps return you to a more positive place when negative thoughts arise.
Example:
-This post was originally published on National Parents Organization.